Our week of reentry hasn't been as difficult as we had anticipated. However, it has been one of much reevaluation of our lives and priorities. After 3 months of living a different life--one full of adventure, good food, a frequent sense of wonder, an abundance of time, and a conspicuous lack of stress--it is hard to return home. Fritz knew it would be, and didn't want to come home to a dark and rainy climate, a messy and cold house, and a city that we know well enough that it no longer offers much wonder.
But we are hard-pressed to complain, really. To most of the world, our life is a dream, a fantasy, and we are absolutely blessed in every way. But still, our thoughts are nagged by what we had, and we want to keep open and expanded this space that was created in in our minds and hearts in Europe.
We have been working this week to sit down to meals, together. It makes us talk, it stops us from jonesing for constant entertainment and distraction. It makes us focus on enjoying good food. It helps us breathe. We just went shopping, and didn't concern ourselves too much with the cost of good cheese and quiche. I don't know how this works itself into a household budget, but our values have changed: we want to eat good food, not consume it. As someone has noted: Americans are not materialists, they are consumerists. Europeans are materialists, because they enjoy what they have.
We want to be more generous. We want to lavish hospitality on those that enter our home, not skimp.
We want, somehow, to live in the moment. We did this for 3 months, rarely worrying about anything, rarely thinking about what comes next to the detriment of what is currently happening. Of the list, this seems the most difficult goal to attain. I have been working on this for years: slowing down, not worrying, trusting the Lord, being present. But it is a constant process of reminding myself: slow down. Don't rush. Be here.
Use less fuel. We returned home to a nation in uproar over $4/gallon gas. Big whoop, America. Europe pays $8-10/gallon (at least, with our current exchange rate), so it's still relatively cheap here. But more than cost, it's what we were more attuned to while traveling: the changing weather patterns people complained of in Provence; the smog everywhere we went (including visible, from the air, toward the north pole); the broken ice floes in the arctic; the wealth and power wielded by those in control of oil in the Arab world. We work very hard to use as little gas and oil as possible, but we want to use even less. Somehow.
And finally, love. We had a wonderful time together as a couple in Europe. We spent much of every day together, and rarely were short or cross. In fact, to Shannon's frequent embarrassment, we did a lot of kissing (if the Parisians do it, why can't we?). We felt like we were on a honeymoon. We had time and space for each other. We learned more about chivalry and service. We communicated well.
God called us on this trip, and we thought he wanted us to go and bless other people by serving on the mission field. In the end, it turns out he wanted to serve us a little bit, and also to help us serve each other. We are blessed.
Fritz and Shannon, June 6, 2008
